Stuart Scuba Staff Fish, Mermaids and Mermen
South Florida staff Fish ID, with fictional mermaid and merman profiles, one grouper and one eight-armed engineer octopus. Each crew entry has its own red-themed cutout and a field guide based on the staff bio.
Browse the individual profiles
Benjamin Hadfield — The High-Pressure Tide King
Meet this fictional South Florida staff merperson. Benjamin Hadfield is Stuart Scuba co-owner and technical instructor trainer who enjoys technical diving. In this parody, he arrives with a red tail, a gold trident and enough tech gear to make the fish ask whether they are cleared to dive.
Common name: Benjamin Hadfield (“The High-Pressure Tide King”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia tridentis
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
Silver hair, a gold trident, twinset cylinders, neatly routed hoses, gauges and a slate identify this tech-loving merman before he begins briefing the shoal.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat, and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Gas planning, neatly routed hoses and the next depth challenge.
Behavior
Plans technical dives with a thorough briefing, checks that the least experienced member of the shoal understands the plan, then saves the trident posing for after the dive.
Reproduction
In this parody, he recruits new divers into well-planned adventures. No biological claim is intended.
Look-alikes
Nikki also shares the co-owner and teaching roles; Benjamin stands out by the silver hair, tech-diving kit and gold trident. The slate still outranks the trident.
Fun facts
Benjamin enjoys technical diving. In this parody, the trident helps keep order in the shoal, but the actual dive plan is on the slate.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Nikki Hadfield — Architect of the Azure Court
Meet this fictional South Florida staff merperson. Nikki Hadfield is Stuart Scuba co-owner, Open Water instructor and technical diver. Her architecture and project-management background lends a suspiciously straight edge to even the most playful reef plan.
Common name: Nikki Hadfield (“Architect of the Azure Court”)
Kind: Mermaid
Invented species: Stuartscubia architecta
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
Long dark hair, a coral crown, rolled plans and a diving slate mark this red-tailed mermaid; the reef court has been checked for square corners.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat, and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Sensible schedules, gear that fits and a dive plan with beautifully straight lines.
Behavior
Keeps the shop moving while helping divers plan their next course; can spot a crooked heading from across the reef.
Reproduction
The Azure Court grows by welcoming divers into classes, charters and trips—not by spawning.
Look-alikes
Benjamin shares the co-owner role and is more likely to explain how he first fell for the ocean; Nikki brings the architecture-and-operations eye.
Fun facts
Her architecture and project-management background lends a suspiciously straight edge to even the most playful reef plan.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Matt Siegel — The Shorebound Gear Baron
Meet this fictional South Florida staff merperson. Matt Siegel is Stuart Scuba operations manager. This parody specimen is famously more comfortable managing the shop from dry land than chasing a wet adventure. The tail is present for classification purposes; the towel is for morale.
Common name: Matt Siegel (“The Shorebound Gear Baron”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia siccator
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A clipboard, gear checklist and dry towel are the field marks. Look for the red tail safely parked near the shop stool.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat, and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Gear questions, completed schedules and absolutely no mystery leaks on the shop floor.
Behavior
Directs equipment, customer support, trip coordination and logistics from the shoreline. In this joke, the fin stays out of the water.
Reproduction
This fictional species reproduces by building smoother schedules and helping divers choose the right gear.
Look-alikes
Rand is learning toward Divemaster; Matt has more than a decade of dive-operation experience and helps keep the shop running.
Fun facts
This parody specimen is famously more comfortable managing the shop from dry land than chasing a wet adventure. The tail is present for classification purposes; the towel is for morale.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
MJ Schatz — Siren of the Lionfish Ledger
Meet this fictional South Florida staff merperson. MJ Schatz is Stuart Scuba shop and boat crew. MJ has more than five years of diving experience and a conservation interest on both sides of the waterline. Her imaginary lionfish ledger has a column for “where to look” and another for “who moved the schedule.”
Common name: MJ Schatz (“Siren of the Lionfish Ledger”)
Kind: Mermaid
Invented species: Stuartscubia lionfisheria
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
Boat-hunting gear, a practical kit-fitting eye and a tidy schedule distinguish MJ’s red tail from other shop merfolk.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat, and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Good gear fit, useful fixes and a plan that lets the boat and class schedule work for real people.
Behavior
Hunts lionfish from the boat, offers practical shop tips and helps untangle the little equipment problems that always appear at the wrong time.
Reproduction
New divers appear on the schedule after MJ finds a time that works. That is the whole parody life cycle.
Look-alikes
Christine also focuses on lionfish and conservation; MJ adds shop logistics, gear fit and scheduling to her boat work.
Fun facts
MJ has more than five years of diving experience and a conservation interest on both sides of the waterline. Her imaginary lionfish ledger has a column for “where to look” and another for “who moved the schedule.”
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Rand Beckman — Deputy of the Deep
Meet this fictional South Florida staff merperson. Rand Beckman is Stuart Scuba shop crew and aspiring Divemaster. A former New York deputy sheriff is now building experience in the dive world and hopes to become a Divemaster. The fish shoal has been advised that the clipboard is not a subpoena.
Common name: Rand Beckman (“Deputy of the Deep”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia deputatus
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A friendly deputy-style badge, scuba harness and earnest fish-counting clipboard sit above a bright red tail.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat, and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Diving knowledge, neatly accounted-for fins and a well-organized shop day.
Behavior
Tries to keep the shoal orderly while working toward the next step in diving. The fish still get to ask questions.
Reproduction
In this fictional taxonomy, the Deputy of the Deep recruits more shoal members for responsible training.
Look-alikes
Matt manages shop operations; Rand is the former deputy learning his way through the dive world toward Divemaster.
Fun facts
A former New York deputy sheriff is now building experience in the dive world and hopes to become a Divemaster. The fish shoal has been advised that the clipboard is not a subpoena.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Darrell Barabash — The Bubble Auditor
Meet this fictional South Florida staff merperson. Darrell Barabash is a scuba instructor at Stuart Scuba. His wife jokingly calls him “Sheldon” because he does not cut corners on details. Even the bubbles have to line up for inspection.
Common name: Darrell Barabash (“The Bubble Auditor”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia precisus
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A calm instructor slate, organized gauges and a checklist are the telltale marks of this safety-minded teacher.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat, and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Clear fundamentals, careful planning and a lesson that leaves room for student questions.
Behavior
Patiently guides new divers through first breaths and checks comfort, awareness and skills before the shoal moves on.
Reproduction
This merman’s parody shoal grows one confident, well-briefed student at a time.
Look-alikes
Marc’s profile is built around long teaching and dive-log experience; Darrell is the analytical checklist specialist with an engineering background.
Fun facts
Darrell’s wife jokingly calls him “Sheldon” because he does not cut corners on details. Even the bubbles have to line up for inspection.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Nick Barrett — Cartographer of the Currents
Meet this fictional South Florida staff merperson. Nick Barrett is a scuba instructor and dive travel coordinator at Stuart Scuba, and a former Exxon executive. In this parody, he has traded boardroom briefings for dive briefings; his route chart is so organized that even the fish know the meeting time.
Common name: Nick Barrett (“Cartographer of the Currents”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia cartographus
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A compass, travel chart, dive slate and carefully assembled fish meeting agenda mark this red-tailed merman.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat, and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Well-planned travel, confident divers and a post-dive meal with the group.
Behavior
Brings years of executive planning experience to Stuart Scuba dive travel, but keeps the briefing short enough that no fish checks the time.
Reproduction
A new travel plan attracts new shoal members. Nobody is asked to pack a regulator in checked luggage without a plan.
Look-alikes
Donna shares the instructor and travel-coordinator work; Nick is shown here as the shoal’s compass-and-chart enthusiast.
Fun facts
Nick is a former Exxon executive who now teaches scuba and helps coordinate dive travel with Donna. In this parody, even the fish receive the itinerary before the briefing.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Donna Barrett — Navigator of the Shoal
Meet this fictional South Florida staff merperson. Donna Barrett is a scuba instructor and dive travel coordinator at Stuart Scuba. Married to Nick, she helps plan group adventures; in this parody, the fish receive their packing list before they remember to ask about luggage.
Common name: Donna Barrett (“Navigator of the Shoal”)
Kind: Mermaid
Invented species: Stuartscubia itineraria
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
An underwater map, travel folder and tidy group plan accompany the red tail.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat, and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Good itineraries, ready divers and the kind of trip plan that leaves time to enjoy the water.
Behavior
Combines teaching and travel coordination, helping group adventures feel organized from the first question through the trip.
Reproduction
This mermaid adds new travelers to the shoal by planning trips divers can prepare for.
Look-alikes
Nick shares the instructor and travel-coordinator role; Donna’s parody field marks are her map and travel folder.
Fun facts
Married to fellow instructor and travel coordinator Nick, Donna makes sure the shoal has its itinerary before anyone asks what to pack.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Marc Capots — The Logbook Grouper
Meet this fictional South Florida staff sea creature. Marc is a Master Instructor who has taught since 2014, logged more than 2,000 dives and certified hundreds of students. The grouper body comes with a logbook strap; at this point, the dive log may need its own dive log.
Common name: Marc Capots (“The Logbook Grouper”)
Kind: Fish
Invented species: Stuartscubia logbookus
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A red grouper body, instructor slate and a logbook that looks due for its own annual service identify Marc.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Practical instruction, capable students and a dive log with no loose pages.
Behavior
Builds confidence with supportive, practical instruction from a first certification through advanced training.
Reproduction
New student fish join the shoal after a lesson—not after another line is added to the logbook.
Look-alikes
Darrell is the checklist specialist; Marc stands out for hands-on mentoring and a substantial logged dive history.
Fun facts
Marc has taught since 2014, logged more than 2,000 dives and certified hundreds of students. His fictional logbook is rated for depth.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Rodrigo Duran — The Bilingual Deep Scientist
Meet this fictional South Florida staff sea creature. Rodrigo is a technical scuba instructor with more than 25 years of professional teaching experience, about 1,000 first-dive students and 16 specialty ratings. He teaches in English and Spanish; the fish keep asking him to translate the slate.
Common name: Rodrigo Duran (“The Bilingual Deep Scientist”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia bilinguis scientificus
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A sampling vial, hand lens and teaching slate mark this field-science merman. The small fish are here for a lesson, not peer review.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Curiosity, careful observation and a plan explained in the diver’s language.
Behavior
Teaches in English and Spanish, connecting scuba skills with a research-minded look at the underwater world.
Reproduction
The shoal grows when new divers learn to observe carefully and dive within their training.
Look-alikes
Joseph is the Navy veteran with a global dive route; Rodrigo is the bilingual technical instructor with the field-scientist kit.
Fun facts
Rodrigo has more than 25 years of professional teaching experience, about 1,000 first-dive students and 16 specialty ratings.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Su Hallenbeck — The Hammer of the Shoal
Meet this fictional South Florida staff sea creature. They call her “The Hammer,” and Su is a great teacher. She teaches Open Water, Advanced Adventure and refreshers, helping skills stick one clear practice at a time. The hammer in this field guide is a foam classroom prop; the lesson plan does the heavy lifting.
Common name: Su Hallenbeck (“The Hammer of the Shoal”)
Kind: Mermaid
Invented species: Stuartscubia hammerus pedagogica
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A teaching slate and very soft red hammer identify Su. The fish students are smiling, which is a strong sign that the demonstration made sense.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Good questions, patient practice and the moment a skill finally clicks.
Behavior
Teaches Open Water, Advanced Adventure and refreshers, bringing a steady, welcoming style to the class.
Reproduction
In this parody life cycle, a returning diver gets a refresher, rebuilds comfort and rejoins the shoal.
Look-alikes
Nikki also teaches Open Water; Su’s field mark is The Hammer and her gift for making a lesson stick.
Fun facts
The Hammer has a soft side: her classroom mallet is foam, while the teaching is the part students remember.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Mitch Hushak — The Eight-Arm Engineer
Meet this fictional South Florida staff sea creature. Mitch is an engineer and SDI and NAUI instructor who started diving in 2010 and brought his enthusiasm from the Midwest to Florida. He has enough arms to check the gear, read the plan and still hold the slate.
Common name: Mitch Hushak (“The Eight-Arm Engineer”)
Kind: Octopus
Invented species: Stuartscubia engineerus octopedis
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
Eight red arms, dive gear, a wrench, calipers and a carefully folded plan identify this engineer octopus.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Well-routed hoses, sound plans and a system that does exactly what it should.
Behavior
Brings an engineer’s eye to diving and teaches with SDI and NAUI; Open Water students are a particular favorite.
Reproduction
Eight arms contribute to one capable diver at a time. No assembly instructions required.
Look-alikes
Marc tracks dives in a long logbook; Mitch tracks the small details with several hands free.
Fun facts
Mitch started diving in 2010. The fictional octopus version can hold eight tools and still ask for a buddy check.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Joseph Scaramuzzino — The Navy-Vet Voyager
Meet this fictional South Florida staff sea creature. Joe is a scuba instructor and Navy veteran. His underwater journey began near Ventotene, Italy, in 2005; five countries have been home, and he speaks two languages fluently. His anchor compass has a longer travel history than most fish.
Common name: Joseph Scaramuzzino (“The Navy-Vet Voyager”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia ventotenensis veteranus
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A compass with an anchor motif and a travel-ready slate identify Joe’s red-tailed merman parody.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Good buddies, a well-planned dive and stories shared after the gear is rinsed.
Behavior
Has explored waters from Koh Tao, Bali and Gili Air to Tiger Beach and Florida, and values the friendships as much as the destinations.
Reproduction
The Voyager adds to the shoal by welcoming divers from different places and keeping the plan clear.
Look-alikes
Nick and Donna lead group travel; Joe’s profile follows his own Navy-veteran story and international diving route.
Fun facts
Joe’s underwater journey began near Ventotene, Italy, in 2005. Five countries have been home, and he speaks two languages fluently.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Brandon — The Ripped Skipper
Meet this fictional South Florida staff sea creature. Captain Brandon is skipper of Little Deeper. Born and raised in Jupiter, he has spent his life on the water and has thousands of hours at sea. The picture makes him look ready to bench-press the boat; he still gives the safety briefing before anyone touches the wheel.
Common name: Brandon (“The Ripped Skipper”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia skipperus fortis
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A boat wheel, captain’s cap and impressively built red tail distinguish Brandon’s skipper species.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Open water, orderly departures and a crew that knows the plan before the boat leaves the dock.
Behavior
Skippers Little Deeper on South Florida charters, helping divers reach local reefs and wrecks with a clear plan.
Reproduction
In this fictional life cycle, new fish join the charter only after the briefing and buddy check.
Look-alikes
Austin guides divers in the water; Brandon runs the boat and leads the pre-departure plan.
Fun facts
Born and raised in Jupiter, Brandon has spent his life on the water and has thousands of hours at sea.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Christine Rain — Reef Ranger of the Spiny Invasion
Meet this fictional South Florida staff sea creature. Christine is a Divemaster and reef defender. Her wildlife-ecology background and lionfish-management experience give her a practical angle on an invasive-fish problem. In this field guide the lionfish is handled carefully; the rest of the reef gets to carry on.
Common name: Christine Rain (“Reef Ranger of the Spiny Invasion”)
Kind: Mermaid
Invented species: Stuartscubia invasus
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A conservation slate, protective gloves and a carefully handled lionfish identify the reef ranger.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Marine-life questions, conservation work and curious divers willing to learn.
Behavior
Guides dives with attention to ecology, education and reef life; the lionfish is the removal target, not the reef residents.
Reproduction
In this parody, education spreads through the shoal faster than the invasive fish.
Look-alikes
MJ also hunts lionfish and helps with shop schedules; Christine brings the wildlife-ecology and management lens.
Fun facts
Christine pairs hands-on lionfish-management experience with a wildlife-ecology background.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Christopher Robinson — The Fish-Formation Colonel
Meet this fictional South Florida staff merperson. Christopher Robinson is Divemaster; former Air Force lieutenant colonel. Christopher brings a commander’s eye to a dive briefing. The fish have been asked to hold formation; their response remains officially unconfirmed.
Common name: Christopher Robinson (“The Fish-Formation Colonel”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia formationis
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A clipboard, orderly little fish, pilot-style dive mask and red tail mark this Air Force lieutenant-colonel merman.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat, and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
A well-briefed dive, an efficient deck and a shoal that remembers its buddy.
Behavior
Brings calm leadership and a safety-minded focus to the dive deck while growing his skills toward technical diving, instruction and captaincy.
Reproduction
This imaginary colonel forms shoals through clear briefings and reliable buddy teams.
Look-alikes
Brandon is the boat skipper; Christopher is the Divemaster with the Air Force leadership background and fish-formation clipboard.
Fun facts
Christopher brings a commander’s eye to a dive briefing. The fish have been asked to hold formation; their response remains officially unconfirmed.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
Austin McKay — The Current-Riding Science Guide
Meet this fictional South Florida staff sea creature. Austin is a Divemaster with marine-science knowledge. He brings a calm, upbeat presence to local dives; the shoal may be drifting, but it is at least pretending to follow the slate.
Common name: Austin McKay (“The Current-Riding Science Guide”)
Kind: Merman
Invented species: Stuartscubia currentium
Family: Diveshopidae (fictional Latin-style family)
Color: Red
Habitat: ALL
Approximate size: Large (parody card scale)
Harvest: Not for food; fictional profile
Identification marks
A science slate, sunglasses and an easy current-riding pose distinguish the local guide.
Habitat
ALL: in this parody, the shop, classroom, boat and South Florida water all count. Real people do not have wildlife habitat ranges.
Diet
Marine science, good company and a current that cooperates with the dive plan.
Behavior
Helps guests enjoy local reefs, drift dives and boat dives with a calm presence and practical ocean knowledge.
Reproduction
A good current carries the shoal toward another local dive, with Austin keeping an eye on the group.
Look-alikes
Brandon skippers the boat; Austin guides divers in the water and brings marine-science context.
Fun facts
Austin’s calm, upbeat presence makes a drifting fish shoal look almost organized. Almost.
Back to Fish Identification for South Florida · Meet the real Stuart Scuba crew
